Believe it or not, the above title (thought) actually crossed my mind the other day. Just as plainly as it’s written, I thought, “yep, makes total sense”.
Is that an equation? Is P equal to 3?
Hahaha. LOL. No. In this case, 6 + P literally equals 9.
Welcome to the land of Dyscaluclia, everyone. Are you ready to learn? (Or rather, unlearn).
Obstacles are an interesting thing, aren’t they? My entire, life I’ve always tried to understand how certain things like disabilities and diseases happen to certain people. We all know that it can be attributed to the Enemy and the fall of man, yes. But what about when kinda good things come out of it? Well, Paul says it best. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). He works ALL things to His good. Not just some. But He never causes bad things to happen, either. To finish summarizing this, (sorry but this isn’t the focus of this post), the Enemy is constant pursuit to ruin our lives and when the Holy Spirit is not present (yes, He can leave when we don’t foster Him), the Enemy tries. Thankfully, although the Enemy may strike His heel, He will crush His head (Gen. 3:15). The battle is won and done, so although the Enemy may try, he will never prevail.
One of the many circumstances in my life that isn’t ideal, is my slight inability to read numbers. It’s called Dyscaluclia, but it’s also known as Mathematical Disorder (dumbest name ever). Interestingly enough, I’m quite good with equations of all kinds, but I don’t get the right answer because I’ll hit the wrong key on the calculator. I tell most people that it’s the numerical form of dyslexia, which they are in the same family. So I transpose numbers a lot.
- It took me 10 years to memorize my social security number.
- I have misdialed my grandmother’s phone number more times than I can count. (Just did it last week, actually).
- It took me 5 years to memorize my sister’s phone number.
- I’m not sure how I managed to memorize my CWID number in college. Pure miracle.
- It’s absolutely over with if I do not have a graphing calculator.
- Do not place me behind a cash register to deal with cash and change. No one will get their money back correctly.
Those are just a few fun facts about Dyscalculia with Chaslee. But enough about that. Y’all probably get it by now. Basically numbers and I aren’t friends. I had a math teacher tell me once that, “numbers are the language in which God wrote the world”. That’s lofty. If that’s the case then I must just be dumb. And no, God breathed the world into existence, with a few words. Bible says so.
Needless to say, my difficulty with numbers is just annoying. It isn’t all the time, but it happens when I need to read sequences or when I have several numbers to deal with at once. So what does it look like in my brain?
Well, “6 + P = 9” is an awesome example. If I glance at a series of numbers, I see similar shapes and will get them confused. 5’s and 2’s are similar. 4’s and 7’s are similar. And 6’s and 9’s are similar. See how “p” is basically the letter form of 9? Well, mix that shape with a digit and you get the number 9. I also can’t count very well. I’m always one number off.
Anyway, hopefully y’all understand Dyscalculia at this point. It’s a weird thing.
My Heavenly Daddy’s ability to speak to my heart and soul never cease to amaze me, though. Logically, it shouldn’t because He created me as an inspiration or reflection of just a tiny facet of Himself.
Several years ago, (about 8 to be exact— and yes, I’m sure I didn’t get that wrong), I realized that suddenly the number 10 became oddly plastered all over everything I laid my eyes on. I was in high school, and for some reason that number just wouldn’t leave. I never understood why, and just summed it up to be my brain noticing it more. Then a couple years later it became the number 11. 11 was everywhere. Again, I just thought I was having another “episode”.
These “number plagues” happened on and off from high school, and into college. Although, I know certain digits carry weight and meaning in the Bible, I never thought that numbers like 10 or 11 meant anything.
About a year ago, I met a girl in my campaigns class that wasn’t quite like any other girl I’d ever met. We talked about Jesus and our faith, and what really intrigued me about her was how she believed God communicated with her. Our faiths didn’t line up 100%, but something that she told me was that she saw the number 11, and biblically, the number 11 usually meant something bad.
Remembering my bout with the number 11 from high school, I had a “wait, what???” moment, and asked her to elaborate. She explained to me that several numbers, (not just 7 and multiples of 3), have meanings. Number 11 meant disorder, chaos, and judgement. Later that evening she texted me a site that studies and references numerical appearances and meanings in the Bible. If you want you can find it here.
(Disclaimer: I have since done a lot of studying about numbers and the Bible, and that girl was right. This is just a handy little site whenever I can’t remember)
After I read up on 11, I remembered the issue that I was dealing with and praying about at the time. Looking back, what I wanted for that situation would have ended up in the biggest, mass chaos, nothing but a few buildings and rubble left standing, sort of disaster. The Lord obviously protected me, and found another way to speak to my heart on that situation, but had I figured out what it meant earlier, perhaps I would’ve dropped the issue like a hot potato right there instead of dwelling on it.
Since then, I’ve realized that, believe it or not, the Lord will sometimes choose to communicate with me through numbers. Numbers. The one thing my brain doesn’t do well with, the Lord was like “yep, I’m going to use that”. In a way, it makes sense. I always know it’s Him, because when I see His numbers, I see them more clearly than any other digit I’ve seen in my life. They literally translate differently. Isn’t that miraculously cool?
There’s some of you right now that are just like , “okay, whatever. You’re just trying to make God cool, but your brain is just noticing things more often than not”. Yeah bud, well I thought that too until the Lord used the number 8 one day a few weeks ago. The end result was my face turning hotter and rosier than I care to admit. What’s more embarrassing is that it took me, a cross-as-my-banner raising Christian, that has proclaimed to have a close relationship with Christ for 10 years, several years just to understand how my Creator chooses to “neon sign” communicate with me. And I swear to you that I have not lost my mind. (….say all the people who have lost it, right?)Want to hear the number 8 story? Well, I’ll tell you. I can’t tell this story in it’s fullness, because this particular thing is a seed that God has planted, and although I am part of the plan, it is not my plan that I invented, but He’s given me His crazy, wild, promise, and I’m trusting Him. In non-OMG format, I mean this: The Lord is still working on this and I have no idea how it’s going to turn out. But it will. And trust me YOU WILL KNOW when it happens. Until then, the Lord wants me silent on the thing because it’s between Him, me, and my prayer warriors.
Eight is the number that symbolizes new beginnings and God’s ordained timing. It’s the number of timing. I honestly can’t tell you why I already knew that, but I did. Anyway, I was en route to this place and I was super excited. I had no expectations for what the day would hold, but the Lord had totally blessed me with so much peace and joy that morning during my prayer and worship. I knew that it was going to be good.
So I pull up to my first stop for the day, and suddenly got this overwhelming feeling that I should be prepared because I was going to see someone that I had been praying for (and had no idea why I was praying for them outside of Jesus told me to). But based on what that person’s schedule is as opposed to mine, and where we live and where I was, reality said that my chances in seeing this individual were slim to none. “I’m just anxious for the day”, I told myself. I need to calm it doooown.
I looked out my window, and noticed that literally every vehicle had the number 8 on it. Whether it was a sticker, license plate, whatever, they had a little 8 on it. In fact, my “address” that I pulled up to, ended in the number 8. That little voice in my head instantly reminded me what 8 meant, but I thought “I REALLY need to calm it down!”.
I get inside, and get where I’m going, and the entire time that I was walking to my destination, I was having this internal battle of “They are here. No they aren’t Chaslee, stop it. Yes, they are just watch.” I settled into where I was, and took just a clean-sweep glance of the premises to make sure to prove to myself that said individual was no where to be found. First glace: no one. Okay, I can calm down, right? Yes. Good.
I start people watching and look over my left shoulder. Right then, I see this figure that resembled the same person I was sure was not anywhere near me. I instantly rebuttled with “No, Chas, that’s not them. It’s just someone that looks like them.” Then I heard their voice. So familiar. I ended up getting a closer look (I promise, I was not being a creep). And then it was confirmed. Person that I had been praying for, was about 10 feet from me. My face turned hot as I looked away, and really wanted to say out loud, “Oh my God, I am so sorry, that was you, you were right, this is crazy”.
Needless to say, I later met up with the person, things were crazy, and that story is to be continued because the Lord is doing something. It’s His project and I am not disturbing it.
Fun story, right?
But that’s just it. It’s not only a story. It’s real life. The reality is our sweet, loving, creative, kind, Father longs to be initimate with us, to romance us, and y’all, He is so good that He will go out of His way to create circumstances and communicate with us in crazy ways, just to say, “I love you, baby. You’re my precious creation, and I don’t have to do all this, but I am because I’m God and I’m your Father and I want to.”
So many times we don’t understand why God takes the time He does, uses the words and instruments/people He does, and we see His grand gestures as unnecessary. Why would He do certain things and go to certain lengths for us when could have just done it more casually or simply and gotten the same result? Because it’s part of the song and dance.
Kim Walker-Smith worded this so beautifully in an interview when she talked about the relationship between God and His people as the relationship between Christ, the Bridegroom, and the Church, the Bride.
Jesus has made this commitment to us that is so deep and so big and so beyond what we could understand. A love that says ‘I will fight for you’. And that did, to the death, so that we could have power over sickness and death. It’s a selfless kind of love that is a pursuit. But much like getting married, the pursuit doesn’t end the moment you say your vows. The rest of your life is a constant pursuit of each other and each others’ hearts. He’s constantly pursuing us. He’s coming back for His bride, the one that He loves and desires.
That’s a bit of a paraphrase. But that last part is so right and so true! The romance doesn’t stop as soon as we’re saved. He wants our hearts forever and He is willing to do whatever it takes just for us to love Him fully. Whether it’s talking to you in a way that is unique to you or dying for you in the worst way possible. It’s all for you, honey. Let the walls of logic down and just embrace it. He isn’t bound by a single thing, and His creativity outweighs anything you could ever try to think of. So let Him romance you! It’s a good and an exciting thing!
I can’t wait to see what this promise that He has given me holds. For those of you with curiosity just itching, I promise you will know.. and you probably won’t have to come back here to read and find out what all this is. However, He still wants me to pray about everything and to remain expectant. And if He can go after me with a radical, fighter, pursuing love, then I can do it for Him, too.
The other day, I briefly became worried about, “okay God, you’ve given me this promise, now. So am I supposed to do something?” I had an underlying feeling that everything would be okay, but as the rest of the day continued, the number 9 followed me everywhere. Sweet, number 9. Know what it means? Finality. That it is finished. Jesus took His last breath on at the 9th hour of the day. The Lord really spoke to me and said, “Chaslee, you haven’t had control of this plan since it’s inception. But I have already written the ending to this story. It is of Me and it is good, and it is final”.
I cannot wait to see what’s around the corner. I’m starting a new chapter and a new season, this time with some amazing friends from Church of the Highlands, and I know that He is guiding me. His voice has never been this audible. If nothing, it’s a testimony to say exactly what Kim said. The journey doesn’t stop after you get saved. Things just get even better. I’m gunning to get as close to Him as I can, and I hope you will too. It is literally the sweetest thing that you could ever dream of. Just let Him romance you, and get ready to see big things happen 🙂