I’m sorry for my extended absence, (that’s assuming any of you were anxiously awaiting any of my updates in the first place). Honestly, I got a little worried that I was being that girl “who had a lot of feelings” and was sharing them too much. (You know, like the one on Mean Girls that “doesn’t even go here!”… no one needs anymore of that in their life). I mean, everyone’s got issues so who cares anymore about mine, right? So selfish.
But then I got in some conversations with my fellow grad school girls and realized that relating to people is a good thing, and we all need that community. Since many of my friends live far away now and I hardly see any of you, I am really missing that community. So I suppose this is my way of keeping y’all informed, and staying “connected”… in a way at least.
Since we last convened, I turned 23, have nearly completed my last fall semester of school ever (or as the plan prescribes for now), I have checked another major U.S. city off my list, and I have learned more about myself. That seems like a lot in 2 months, but really it hasn’t been that eventful.
Grad school is great. I’m learning a lot. I’m learning about how to better communicate as a professional and I’m learning that I’m actually more talented than I originally thought. I’m making good grades, and with my 2 learning disabilities, that’s new to me. Woo hoo success, right?
Recently I read this article on BuzzFeed that talked about which year during your twenties is “the best year”, and it ranked them 1-10. To my dismay, 23 was at the bottom of the list as the most miserable year of your twenties. Why is it the worst? It said that it’s the most awkward year in terms of transitions because you’re going from college to the real world, and you have to make grown up decisions… Well, I can relate there. But I refuse to make it a “bad” year.. (nothing will be worse than the teenage years. Nothing).
Sure enough though, as I am beginning to complete my final assignments of the fall semester I am realizing the time until I have to be a real adult is growing shorter. Except this time, I actually will have one major credential that will (hopefully) helps me get a real job. I’m going to have to start the journey to the next major step in my life very soon. Quite frankly, it’s making me lose my appetite. I just got done making decisions and moving to the next stepping stone. Do I really have to do it again?
Time and time again, the Lord has shown up in the midst of all this and given me His plan. One thing that has always worried me though: I’m not one of those people who audibly hears the voice of the Lord. Ever. Basically, I pray and pray and pray, something comes up, other things fall through, and His plan just kind of happens. It’s always good and I’m always joyful, but it never fails. I worry beyond what is ever necessary.
He is my portion, so why should I ever be concerned? The best thing that could’ve ever happened to me happened over 2000 years ago on the cross, so why should I worry? Even if I ended up living out of box under a bridge, He would provide and I could rest assured knowing that my life in eternity with Him is secured. So what is my problem? Why can’t I just learn my lesson once and for all?
Well for one, I’m not regularly attending any type of small group or Bible study, so that’s a major issue. But even so, He has proved himself to me over and over again. Truth is, the enemy actively seeks to kill and destroy. I always fail to remember that it actually means that Satan tries to get in my head with worry, doubt, depression, anxiety and fear. So I need to be actively pursuing the Spirit and the Word so that He’ll stay out… but my lame excuse is that I’m busy and I can’t find community. I need to get on that.
Recently, I had the opportunity to go to Chicago for a PR Summit that was put on by the Plank Center at UA. My trip was paid for, and I got some really good information from the most recent studies by major PR agencies such as Ketchum. It was a great big blessing. But even while I was there I couldn’t help but feel a little melancholy. Perhaps it was intimidation from all of the amazing PR leaders I got to meet, or the fact that I had just been in NYC the week before and Chicago seemed small, or simply that the days are getting shorter and it’s darker outside. Regardless, I won’t let it squash my faith. I know the Lord will move. I don’t know where, but He will move. Usually when I get this melancholy feeling, that’s when the Spirit leads. So I just have to listen.
The truth is, I hate change. I hate knowing that there’s a possibility that I might not get what I want, and instead could end up heart broken. It always ends up good in the end, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on and where is all this going?
As we approach the Iron Bowl this weekend, I have been looking through photos of last year’s Iron Bowl. It was filled with captions like “last game as an undergrad!” and so on. When looking through them, it brought back all the feelings that I remember having then. So much of it was familiar like “I don’t know what’s going on”, “I’ll figure it out”, and “how did the past few years fly by so quickly?”… but then I remember that I would have never imagined being where I am a year later. I know it’s going to work out, and that if I rely upon the Lord, He will remain faithful. He will get me where I need to be and where I will be happiest serving Him, because He knows me better than I know myself. (…. I just wish He would share a little bit of that info with me but whatever).
So as we get into the Thanksgiving and Christmas spirit, here’s to being thankful for who the Lord is and His faithfulness to His people. Although it’s uncertain for now, we are all in His hands and He knows what’s going on. It’s going to be okay. I just gotta keep taking deep breaths and rolling with the punches.
For now, it’s back to my last little bit of work. I hope that some of you get something out of this. (I mean, I don’t hate feedback like at all… even if we barely talk or you feel like I don’t know you. Literally, I wouldn’t be putting all this on here if that mattered to me). I hope the holiday season treats you well!
Love you all,